To Phone or Not to Phone. A Parent’s Balancing Act.
“Back in my day” is a quote that we hear quite often throughout our lives. Parents will reminisce with their children regarding topics such as drinking from the water hose, being pushed outside to play all day with very little contact with parents until dinner time, or even how kids could walk from one side of town to the other without the slightest thought of fear. I have two children (boy-7 / girl-12), and as I have gotten older, I have noticed that the people who say those things were born in the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s. Just from my personal experiences with knowing people who grew up in the 80’s and 90’s, that really isn’t said as much. There is a Bob Dylan song titled “The Times They Are a-Changin’,” and when you mix tech with children, it really shows just how fast it changed for parents.
The new age of technology and being connected to a phone throughout every second that you are awake is pretty common throughout the world. We did everything in the past without a wireless phone, but we now live in a society where we can’t do it without the pocket computer attached to our hip. Mix that in with parenting, and it can be a tricky slope. For instance, when I tell my child they don’t need a phone at 12 years of age but then I can’t even look away from my own phone to have that exact conversation with her. What kind of psychological message does that send to her?
As a parent, you may start a list of pros and cons of reasons why or why not to allow a preteen to have a phone. A great reason could be the ability to communicate with that child or even the ability for the child to have access to information. Where are they? Where do they need to go? Where is the nearest hospital or police station? These are things that a phone could easily solve, but at what cost does that safety outweigh the harm it can possibly put that child in? I have created a list of pros and cons. This list can be used to help parents decide why or why not to start their children off with a phone.
| Pros | Cons |
|---|---|
| Communication | Online Safety Risk |
| Access to Information | Digital Addiction |
| Independence | Distraction/Academic Performance |
| Learns Responsibility | Privacy Concerns |
| Entertainment Purposes | Decreases Lack of Responsibility |
This list can obviously be broken into more reasons, but the overall idea is there. Online safety risks are probably the biggest concern in the digital age. I don’t believe there is a right or wrong answer for how parents choose the route they would take, but I do believe that there should be an understanding or guideline of expectations from both the child and the parent. Some parents use technology to fight technology. By that, I mean, they use technology to help keep their child safe with a form of monitoring. This may be seen as a con from the child’s perspective due to the lack of personal trust. Again, this is where the balance comes into play.
I wish there was a way to go back to the “back in my day” days, but that isn’t going to happen. We live in a digital world that relies on screen time as a way to judge how well technology is working. We need to understand that there needs to be a balance, and after having personal conversations with my child, it made me realize how flawed and addicted to my phone I was. That is a hard pill to swallow, but some people call it growth.
As of right now, my daughter is not allowed to have a phone. We have currently allowed her to have some online freedom with a tablet. It is monitored; we know this, and she knows this. She has learned it isn’t a trust issue, but she has also learned that this can be taken away or shut off when simple chores aren’t done or grades start slipping. We may look into a phone when things like sports travel become a thing, but until then, we will enjoy our time with our child having a conversation with us at the table without the need or habit of looking at her phone (unlike her parents sometimes). It is all about balance.